It started with a bento
by MonsterConnoisseur117
Summary: HIkigaya Hachiman loathed the bureaucratic idiot currently speaking, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything with those brown eyes across the room. ONESHOT! HachimanxKaori


**I felt too nice after The Destroyer's ending. So this happened. Enjoy!**

 **I OWN NOTHING!**

Hikigaya Hachiman tried to ignore the idiot currently talking. Without prompting, his eyes began to wander. He knew it was a dangerous action, considering who was currently sat on the other side of the room from him, but he was simply too bored to prevent it at this point. The worst thing that could possibly happen was that he would make eye contact with Orimoto, but the universe couldn't be that cruel. Could it? Brown eyes suddenly met his own and Hachiman immediately moved his gaze to the paper on the table in front of him. Then the idiot started talking about bringing in more high schools. The debate moved from more high schools, to a college, to an elementary school. At that point Hachiman was mentally exhausted and couldn't argue anymore. The idea was approved somehow and the meeting ended soon after. He bought a can of coffee and sat on a bench in the lobby, Isshiki was heading for the door as a voice interrupted his peace and relative tranquility.

"Hey Hikigaya." Orimoto Kaori greeted him. She received a grunt in response. "Got your eyes set on Isshiki?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

"Why would you think that? She simply asked for my help with this Christmas event and I didn't deny her." Hachiman responded. Orimoto grinned,

"So it's like that? I get it, ask if you need any help!" she proclaimed suddenly.

"I feel like you're misunderstanding something." Hachiman interjected.

"You totally like Ishiki right? You just don't want to tell me… Right?" she asked.

"No. I have no interest whatsoever in Ishiki." Hachiman deadpanned. Orimoto shifted nervously. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" He asked.

"N-no. I just was wondering… Who do you like then? It's gotta be one of those girls from that date right?" Orimoto asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Hachiman asked, annoyed. Orimoto blushed and shrugged. "Shouldn't you be getting home soon?" Hachiman dismissed her, he stood and threw his half-finished coffee into the bin as he started walking.

"W-wait, Hikigaya." Orimoto stood and followed him the few feet away from the bench.

"Yes?" Hachiman asked, clearly irritated.

"Never mind, you probably want to get home." She hesitated. Hachiman grunted and walked away.

Never in his life did Hikigaya Hachiman expect to receive a text at night. He picked up his phone and checked the sender.

 _"Hey Hikigaya; from Orimoto."_ He read, then reread, then choked on his water and stared at the screen in shock for a full minute.

 _"What's up?"_ He found himself responding, his fingers ignoring his brain's sovereignty.

 _"Oh! I didn't think you'd answer…"_ she responded.

 _"I did. What did you need?"_ he asked, returning to his grumpiness slowly.

 _"I was just wondering if I could talk to you tomorrow, before school?"_ she asked.

 _"Why?"_ he asked, the absurdity of her request had stunned him beyond all belief.

 _"I have to ask your advice about something."_ She told him.

 _"But why does it need to be before school? Why not after the meeting?"_ he asked.

 _"I thought I would buy you breakfast or something as payment for helping me. Buying you dinner could be taken wrongly."_ She answered.

 _"That's a much better reason than I thought you were going to throw at me. If it's just this once I don't see how it could hurt. Where?"_ he conceded, though he denied past feelings had any part in it. And so, his old crush gave him an address for a diner. He would be going there to meet her before school, which meant leaving absurdly early, which meant upsetting Komachi's morning routine. He shuddered to think what would happen if this became a regular thing.

Hikigaya Hachiman mounted his bike reluctantly, he didn't particularly want to follow through with this, but he had said he would do it. He pressed down the front pedal and the bicycle started forward. He followed the route he had planned out the night before, reaching the quaint diner five minutes early. Orimoto was already there.

"Hey Hikigaya!" she greeted him happily, but not loudly. Only one set of eyes glanced their way at the disturbance. Hachiman had the sudden horrifying thought that she had done that out of consideration for him. That wasn't possible though, so he dismissed the thought.

"Orimoto. What did you need my advice with?" he greeted her.

"Let's go sit down and talk about it, it would be better to sit down." She reasoned. They entered the diner and found an unclaimed booth, both sat as far inside the protective walls as possible.

"So what did you need?" Hachiman asked. Orimoto met his gaze for a moment and, Hachiman couldn't deny, his heart did a little flutter.

"There's this guy I like, but he goes to a different school and I'm not sure how to approach him." She admitted.

"I would suggest talking to someone at this school that knows him, one of his friends. They should probably be a mutual friend, to avoid awkwardness and so you can trust them. That or, "He held up a single finger, "Talk to his homeroom teacher, they should be able to refer you to someone who can hook you two up." He told her. Orimoto pondered his words for a second while nodding thoughtfully.

"That makes sense. Thanks Hikigaya!" she grinned, but once again she wasn't yelling or attracting attention.

"How do you do that? Sound so excited without yelling, I mean." Hachiman asked. She shrugged,

"You don't like attention right? I just figured I should try not to annoy you since you're helping me." She answered. Hachiman smiled wryly.

"Good idea. So, breakfast?" he asked. Orimoto then smiled sheepishly and scratched her neck.

"About that… I couldn't get any money from my parents, so I don't have any money to buy you breakfast, but I made you a bento instead to make up for it." She told him, pulling out a box wrapped delicately in colorful paper. Hachiman was stunned, floored, breathless. "It's not that big of a deal… I mean, I promised you a meal and I couldn't deliver on breakfast, so I did lunch instead." She told him quietly.

"Thanks, Orimoto-san." Hachiman spoke finally.

"You're welcome, and you don't have to use the honorific." She told him.

"I'll remember that." Hachiman took the bento gingerly.

"Wait… It couldn't be… Have you never gotten a bento before Hikigaya?" Orimoto asked, seemingly genuine in her shock.

"I have not." He answered stiffly, suddenly wary of teasing.

"What? That's… Shocking, to say the least. You were always such a sweet guy in middle school. I don't see how the girls at Sobou aren't swarming you." She commented easily. Hachiman was taken by surprise but recovered quickly.

"Well, there was that incident at the cultural festival. I don't think most of them even knew of my existence before then, and the whole school hated me afterward." He commented.

"What happened at the cultural festival?" Orimoto asked immediately.

"The chairman of the festival committee ran off before the closing ceremony and I had to go find her, but to get her to go back I needed to say what she needed to hear. Only, that's not something I can do, so I had to get her to go back the only way I could. I insulted and degraded her, said horrible things to make her cry, so that Hayama would say what she needed to hear. Then she stuttered her way through the closing ceremony, which she would've done without my help if the opening ceremony was any indication, and everyone blamed her humiliation on me." Hachiman narrated. Orimoto eyed him warily for a moment before shrugging.

"So, the conclusion I'm getting is, you said something so that the failure of the closing ceremony would fall on you and not on her. And then everyone hated you for it? That's messed up." She decided.

"What? How? I expected you to hate me after that story." Hachiman pinched his arm to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"Oh no, I'm pissed that you made a girl cry, that's just not cool, but you took all the humiliation for a complete stranger. That outweighs the crying thing in my book." She told him. Hachiman chuckled and stood, bento in hand.

"Glad to know, but I'm already in danger of being late to class." He told her. She glanced at her watched and panicked.

"Oh no! I'm gonna be late!" she exclaimed, still managing not to draw attention. Hachiman hurried out of the diner after paying their miniscule bill and mounted his bike. He took off and followed the practiced route to school.

Hachiman evaded Yuigahama as he headed for his "best spot" with the bento made by Orimoto in hand. He sat down and unwrapped the lunch carefully, inside he found an intricate wooden bento box. Genuine wood, polished and shined, rested on his lap gently. He could tell it was either extremely old or extremely expensive. Either way, Orimoto hadn't made this as a "plan B". He opened the bento to find some rice balls, laying peacefully next to salmon flakes. A peeled orange rested on the other side of a small wooden divider from the salmon flakes. Hachiman stared at the lunch in shock. Someone took advantage of his shock to sneak up on him.

"What's that Hikki?" Yuigahama asked suddenly, with an almost jealous tint to her voice.

"A bento, what's it look like?" he answered sarcastically, he really didn't want to explain who gave it to him.

"Did Komachi make it?" she asked.

"No." Hachiman answered.

"Then who did?" she asked.

"A girl. It's not important." Hachiman answered.

"Yes it is Hikki!" Yuigahama yelled, drawing the gazes of some students quite a distance away.

"She just owed me, Yuigahama. I gave her some advice in exchange for a meal, that's it." Hachiman whispered harshly.

"Then it shouldn't be a big deal for you to share it." She challenged.

"Too late, I've looked at it. The food is likely poisoned by now." Hachiman answered. Yuigahama pouted. "No, it's my bento." He reinforced. She scowled and stalked away from him. Hachiman shivered and went back to his lunch.

Hachiman was waiting by the crosswalk earlier than usual. Despite his "Stealth Hikki" Orimoto spotted him immediately upon her arrival, hurrying over to greet him without shouting or screaming or anything remotely Yuigahama-ish.

"How was lunch Hikigaya?" she greeted him with a smile that sent Hachiman's heart fluttering.

"Pretty good." He offered her back the bento. Orimoto took it and slipped it into her bag casually.

"That's good." She smiled at him again.

"I'll see you in the meeting I guess?" Hachiman tried to leave the conversation.

"I'll just wait here, you're waiting for Isshiki right? Plus, I feel like the longer I stand by you the smarter I get." She answered. Hachiman's heart did a flutter.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting. I don't see how you could get smarter though, intelligence doesn't work that way." Hachiman told her.

"Maybe talking to you just makes me think differently, more effectively or something." She guessed.

"That is entirely possible." Hachiman admitted.

"Senpai!" Isshiki greeted him as she finished crossing the street. Hachiman took the grocery bag from her without thought, as though it was a habit like it was with Komachi. Then he saw the two figures behind the student council president.

"Hikki!" Yuigahama shouted.

"Hikigaya-kun, what's the meaning of this?" Yukinoshita asked calmly.

"The meaning of what? If you're here then I assume Isshiki involved you, let's just get the meeting over with." Hachiman answered. He turned and started heading for the door. The two shared a look of concern before following him.

Once again, Hachiman was bored. He listened to the idiot drone on about productivity and "win-win" to the point that his brain was probably beginning to melt.

"Tamanawa-san, I've been thinking this for a while, but you seem to be putting all the work on Sobou high school, and not taking any responsibility for Kaihin. That's not fair at all. And what's worse, you seem to be deliberately delaying the work." Orimoto suddenly interrupted the droning boy. Hachiman stared at her in shock, and slight admiration. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were also staring at her in shock. Hachiman heard Isshiki lean over and whisper to them,

"You two have got a new challenger, work together or you'll never beat her. She's cheerful as Yuigahama, but getting to be as smart as Yukinoshita." Hachiman ignored it and watched as the room was enveloped in blissful, tense silence.

"You're right Orimoto, we should be working instead of talking about working." Tamanawa admitted. Then the meeting was over. Hachiman sat on the same bench, drinking a can of coffee, still stunned beyond reason.

"Hey Hikigaya." Orimoto greeted him.

"Yo." Hachiman greeted her. As Orimoto sat down next to him Yuigahama started over.

"Yahello Hikki!" Yuigahama shouted, less than five feet away. Hachiman flinched momentarily but responded,

"Yo." He greeted the pinkette.

"Hikki? Do you mean Hikigaya?" Orimoto asked curiously. Yuigahama nodded vigorously.

"Yuigahama, don't you have to get home?" Hachiman asked.

"Well, yes." Yuigahama admitted.

"I probably should be getting home soon too." Orimoto said thoughtfully.

"Where do you live?" Hachiman asked. She gave him her address. "Yuigahama's place is between here and there. Why don't we all walk together?" Hachiman suggested.

Hachiman wasn't sure what he did wrong. Orimoto was on his left, emitting a somewhat cold aura. Yuigahama was on his right emitting an oppressively cold aura of sheer and absolute anger. They reached Yuigahama's apartment building and she went inside with a few curt words of farewell. Then Hachiman and Orimoto started toward her house.

"What was that about?" Orimoto asked.

"What was what about?" Hachiman asked.

"You don't know?" Orimoto asked incredulously, Hachiman shook his head, "she was mad because you didn't ditch me to walk her home alone." Orimoto told him bluntly.

"Care to explain why?" Hachiman asked, the ease with which he talked to Orimoto scared him.

"She likes you." Orimoto told him simply.

"I saved her dog." Hachiman answered.

"Doesn't change the fact that she likes you, she's mad that you didn't walk her home privately so she couldn't get her daily allowance of Hikigaya." She joked. Hachiman chuckled.

"Whatever, she'll get over it." He shrugged.

"A-anyway Hikigaya, did you really like the bento?" Orimoto asked.

"It was pretty good, you probably have a lot of experience though." Hachiman commented.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Orimoto snapped.

"That you've made a bento before? Don't you have a boyfriend? Or at least have had one, sometime in the past?" Hachiman asked. Orimoto scowled.

"No, you're actually the only person who ever asked me out." She answered coldly.

"Surprising." Hachiman commented. The rest of the walk was silent, but it was almost a comfortable silence.

Hachiman slid open the door and entered the Service Club room silently. He instantly felt the piercing glares of two females. The Christmas festival had gone off excellently, and he had no more reason to be in contact with Orimoto. Yet she had continued texting him, and even asked if he wanted her to make him another bento. He ignored the two females and took his seat, pulling out his phone for once instead of a book.

 _"Hey Orimoto, about that Bento."_ He sent,

 _"Hey Hikigaya! What about it? It's totally fine if you don't want me to make you one or anything."_ She responded almost immediately. Hachiman smiled slightly at the thought, briefly allowing an idiotic grin on his usually scowling face.

"Hikigaya-kun, please desist such disturbing actions immediately." Yukinoshita called over to him.

"Was it that disturbing? Did I give you nightmares Yukinoshita?" he asked.

"Nonsense. But that aside, there are more important matters to discuss." She declared.

"Oh?" he asked.

"Who was that girl? The one who gave you a bento?" Yuigahama interrupted with force, shouting despite their short distance apart.

"Orimoto Kaori. I knew her in middle school, no big deal." Hachiman answered curtly.

"Wait, a girl from middle school? Could she be the one that denied your confession and led to your current loner state?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Indeed." Hachiman answered impatiently.

"You seem uncomfortable Hikigaya-Kun, is this a sensitive topic?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Anyone would be uncomfortable with you interrogating them." Hachiman snapped.

 _Why am I so uncomfortable when she brings up Orimoto? It must be that I'm talking to a girl from another school, almost like going behind her back. No, it must be that I'm afraid to accept that the same girl who ruthlessly denied my confession so long ago is someone I communicate with on a regular basis. For that matter, why am I still talking to Orimoto? Why did I talk to her at all? Well, she asked for advice and suggested repayment via food clearly so she could give me a bento. She's been the one taking the initiative with our communications. Shit. Could it be possible that Orimoto Orimoto, the girl who ruthlessly shot me down in middle school, likes me? No. Definitely not. If anything she feels bad about that denial and is trying to earn redemption in her own eyes. That's all. But why am I always so uncharacteristically happy around her? I couldn't possibly still… like her… No! That can't be! I moved on! Didn't I?_

He was broken from his internal monologue by a vibration in his pocket.

 _"Hikigaya?"_ it was Orimoto.

 _"Sorry, something came up. I'm being interrogated."_ He told her, a play on humor.

 _What am I becoming? The longer I talk to Orimoto the more I lose my faithful pessimism. If I spend too long talking to her I might even lose my main loner skill, dead fish eyes! That must not be allowed to happen!_

The sliding door opened. In stepped Hiratsuka-Sensei. She glared at Hachiman evilly,

"Hikigaya? Come with me." She ordered. It was clear Hachiman would receive the ultimate of her punches if he disobeyed. He stood and followed her without looking back.

"What do you need Sensei?" he asked as they reached her office.

"Care to elaborate as to why I was approached by a student from Kaihin asking about your friends?" she asked. Hachiman froze.

"Their name?" he asked.

"Orimoto Kaori." Hiratsuka-Sensei supplied.

"No idea." Hachiman lied. She eyed him suspiciously for a few minutes before dismissing him. He fled the office as fast as was acceptable and headed for the club room.

 _"You OK?"_ Orimoto asked.

 _"Yeah. Hiratsuka-Sensei saved me for a few minutes."_ He responded. He needed a few questions answered, but he couldn't just ask directly.

 _"Oh really? What did she want?"_ she asked.

 _Got you! You didn't ask who she was!_

 _"Just something about an assignment in class."_ He lied. The sliding door opened and he moved to his seat.

"Hikigaya-Kun, why did you speak to her if she caused you the trauma you continue to complain about?" Yukinoshita asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know." Hachiman commented. "Komachi needs me at home, I'll be leaving early today." He lied. Hachiman picked up his bag and headed for the door. As he left the school he mounted his bike and prepared to ride.

 _"Meet me at the same diner? I need more advice."_ Orimoto asked. Hachiman was pretty sure she knew he was in club, but didn't comment.

 _"Sure, I'll be there soon."_ He couldn't lie, he definitely wasn't over Orimoto Kaori.

The diner was quiet, as Hachiman suspected it usually was. Orimoto beckoned him over to the same booth as that fateful morning with a wave and he hurried over. He sat across from her with disturbing ease, and found himself oddly comfortable in her presence.

"What's up Orimoto?" he asked in an almost friendly tone.

"Well, I talked to his homeroom teacher but she said that it wasn't her business." She answered immediately.

"No luck with his friends?" Hachiman asked.

"No, he has a few girls as friends but I didn't want to approach them 'cause I think they like him, and I couldn't find any other friends of his." She answered.

"Then it looks like you have only one option. Confess directly." Hachiman told her stoically, he had resolved to be more pessimistic and retain more of his loner self around Orimoto. She blushed heavily and stared at him for a few seconds.

"Is that really the only option?" she asked.

"It's all that I can currently think of." Hachiman answered.

"Well, I want to give it some time anyway. I'm still not entirely sure I don't just feel bad for an old wrong." She mused.

 _I was right! She only "likes" me because she feels bad!_

"Then give it time." Hachiman shrugged. She grinned.

"Thanks Hikigaya!" his heart did a little flutter. She pulled out a piece of paper with some questions on it and a pen and stared at the paper intensely.

"I'll see you later then Orimoto." He excused himself,

"Oh, wait Hikigaya. I didn't mean to be rude!" she protested. Hachiman reseated himself with a single raised eyebrow. "Could you help me with my homework?" she pleaded. Hachiman relented and helped her.

The festival atmosphere was pleasant. More pleasant in fact, than when Komachi had set Hachiman and Yuigahama up on a date. Hachiman ignored the fluttering in his stomach as Orimoto approached him. The meeting place had been agreed on beforehand, and they had met at the festival. Efficient, effective, entirely acceptable to Hachiman. She was wearing a light yellow sundress with a slightly darker yellow jacket over her torso. Unobnoxious colors with a date that hates obnoxious things. Orimoto certainly knew her stuff. Hachiman allowed Orimoto to drag him to a stall, he knew she wanted him to try and get the prize but it really wasn't his thing. Despite his reluctance, Orimoto pouted. Somehow, the real reason he refused to accept, her pouting hit all of his weak spots. He picked up the dart gun and aimed for the large teddy bear.

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

 _Thud_

Five hundred yen later, he still hadn't hit the bear. Orimoto looked severely downcast, and Hachiman had a bad feeling about something, but he took aim again, unwittingly unwilling to allow Orimoto to look so sad.

"Hikigaya, I'll give you a… K-kiss if you get it for me." Orimoto whispered in his ear. He blushed, but took aim again against his conscious will.

 _Inhale_

 _Hold_

 _Exhale_

 _Thud_

 _Thwump_

The bear hit the ground with a quiet sound, and both Hachiman and Orimoto were awestruck.

"Hikigaya-Kun." Yukinoshita greeted him suddenly. Hachiman jumped and turned around, pointing the dart gun at the ice queen on reflex.

"Impressive reflexes Hikki." Yuigahama scowled. He slowly laid the dart gun back on the counter. The attendant gave him a pitying look and fetched the bear. It was obviously for Orimoto, and Hachiman was eternally grateful that the attendant had the brains to give it to the girl instead of trying to give it to him. And, much to his shock, Orimoto decided to take a stand next to him. Standing directly beside him, holding the teddy bear, and showing her support for him.

 _Is this… Friendship?_

"What do you want Yukinoshita?" Hachiman asked.

 _This… this is what it is to be someone's friends? To not stand alone? Maybe that's all Orimoto and I will ever be, but that's fine by me if it means someone standing with me._

"I simply wished to speak to you Hikigaya-Kun, I had no idea you were on a date." She answered.

"Who said I was on a date?" Hachiman challenged. Yuigahama scowled heavily. "Why can't you two accept that I have a friend outside of you two? Seriously, bugger off." Hachiman continued. Yuigahama staggered as if physically struck, and Yukinoshita gaped at him.

"If that's the way it is I suppose we have no choice but to accept it." Yukinoshita dragged Yuigahama away. Orimoto watched them go quietly.

"Hey Hikigaya?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah?" Hachiman asked.

"Am I causing you to lose your friends?" she asked, looking at the ground.

"Let's discuss this somewhere else." Hachiman suggested, leading her toward a desolate hill. They sat next to each other, but there was a good foot of distance between them.

"You haven't answered my question yet Hikigaya." Orimoto pointed out. Hachiman shifted into a more comfortable position.

"I don't think you are, and I doubt you could call them friends. But if they are my friends they'll get over it." Hachiman told her.

"They aren't your friends?" she asked.

"Not if they can't accept that I'm your friend. Aren't friends supposed to accept things like that?" Hachiman asked.

"I suppose." She answered. A firework exploded in the night sky.

"A-anyway, that last bento was good." Hachiman blushed in the darkness.

"R-really? That's good. Would you want me to maybe… make them more often?" she asked.

"I think that'd be nice." Hachiman answered. He turned his head toward her. A firework exploded in the night sky as their eyes met, simultaneously. Orimoto lunged. Hachiman reflexively imagined vampire fangs growing from her gums and piercing his neck, draining him of his precious loner blood. Instead of the farfetched horror flick pain of his neck spontaneously gaining twin draining holes, there was a pressure on his lips. He blinked in shock and another firework went off. Orimoto's face was _right in front of his_. She was kissing him. She started pulling away. Hachiman wrapped his arms around her lower back and forced his lips to unfreeze.

 _Ah, I see. I didn't actually want to ignore that text, or refuse that bento. I just thought I did. It took this, my first kiss, to make me realize that I've never stopped liking Orimoto._

"Hikigaya." Orimoto whispered, pulling away from him.

"Sorry, uh, must have been an accident." Hachiman tried reflexively, he wasn't sure she had actually meant to kiss him after all.

"Y-you didn't mean to kiss me back?" Orimoto asked, suddenly vulnerable. Hachiman froze.

"W-well, I did. But you didn't mean to kiss me, right? So let's just call it a mutual mistake and forget about it." Hachiman averted his eyes.

"I did actually." She told him. His eyes snapped up on impulse.

"Then…" he started to speak, but his sentence was cut off by another kiss.

"So about my bentos." Orimoto smirked.

"Yes?" Hachiman asked.

"I'll make one for you every day, how does that sound?" she asked quietly, inches away from him.

"That depends." Hachiman smirked.

"On?" Orimoto asked.

"Are we dating?" he asked, she nodded as if it was obvious, "Then _you_ have to tell those two from the Service Club, and I'd be happy to eat your bentos." Hachiman declared.

"R-really? Why isn't that your job?" she asked nervously.

"Because you're the idiot dating me." Hachiman answered.

Hachiman sat quietly, texting Kaori. The sliding door opened and Yuigahama stepped inside, smiling as she usually did.

"Yahello Yukinon!" she practically screamed. Isshiki followed her inside.

"Senpai! Why are you on your phone, you usually read." She whined.

"I'm texting someone." Hachiman answered. The student council president froze and gaped at him in shock. Someone knocked on the door. Hachiman gulped suddenly.

"Enter." Yukinoshita called. The sliding door opened and in stepped Kaori.

"What do you want?" Yuigahama asked hostilely.

"I have to tell you two something." Kaori announced nervously. Hachiman stood.

"Kaori, I can do it. I was joking." He told her.

"N-no Hachi, I said I would." She muttered.

"Hachi? No, it couldn't be. Orimoto-san, what is he using to blackmail you? Is it poison? Your parents' safety? Your virtue?" Yukinoshita asked rapidfire.

"I don't get it." Yuigahama muttered.

"Hikigaya-kun has forced this poor girl into a relationship with him. We must take responsibility for this atrocity and free her immediately." Yukinoshita clarified.

"What makes you think I'd need to blackmail her?" Hachiman asked.

"Everything Hikipervy-kun." She answered.

"Stop it!" Kaori yelled. "He's not blackmailing me, or threatening me, or anything like that! I'm the one who asked him out! I'm not dating Hachiman because he's forcing me to, I honestly want to be with him." She ranted. Hachiman nearly had a mental overload, he had honestly expected her to break under the pressure and say it was a joke. He would've forgiven her. But if she had gone through with it anyway, just how serious was Orimoto Kaori about him?

"How is this possible?" Yukinoshita asked. "He must have something serious to get you to say that." She continued. Kaori slapped her. Kaori's open palm strike sent Yukinoshtia mentally reeling.

"I'm not lying." Kaori declared.

"Senpai, girlfriend? Impossible! Can't take it! AHHHHHHH!" Isshiki ran from the room clutching her skull in pain.

"I didn't know the odds were _that_ low…" Hachiman muttered.

The chapel was disgustingly white. Everyone wore horrifyingly neat tuxedos and fancy dresses. Where was this horror setting? Hikigaya Hachiman's wedding. Hachiman himself was very different than he had been in high school. No longer were his eyes dead, or even remotely fishy. His jawline had become more prominent, his hair less greasy. His posture had straightened, his shoulders broadened. He had gone from slouchy, unnerving loner to handsome dependable man. Many of the girls in his class from high school had regretted not knowing him, he could see it in their eyes, and hear it in their flirting. Unfortunately for them, he had been taken for a long time. He hadn't even been aware of it for a few years, but ever since middle school his heart had belonged to the same girl. Aforementioned girl was currently making her way down the aisle toward where he stood. She was wearing white, a frilly, unnecessary, impractical, beautiful dress. Yet Hachiman could find no fault in her appearance. He never could. She took her place on the dais with him, subtly reached for his hand. The official said the necessary religious and bureaucratic nonsense, then he asked them the important questions.

"Do you, Hikigaya Hachiman, take Orimoto Kaori to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

"Yes."

"Do you, Orimoto Kaori, take Hikigaya Hachiman to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

The roof exploded. Hachiman never got to hear her answer, but the official death count counted her as Hikigaya Kaori anyway. But I, the nameless narrator alter ego of the author, think that he didn't need to hear what she said. I think he knew already, especially since they found the pair holding each other and smiling. Yes, smiling, despite the napalm and horrible screaming and stenches, they smiled and held each other until their bodies were hardened ash statues. And to think, it all started with a bento.

 **I'm evil right? Tell me what you guys thought, I highly value feedback.**


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